luna llena y las cosas malas

LOVE y compasión

Un día, me di cuenta de que seguía reprimiendo mis malos hábitos, cualidades y secretos. Me juzgaba inconscientemente por momentos de índole sexual, acuerdos tácitos, infidelidades hacia los demás y hacia mí misma; no podía aceptar mi maldad. 

Cabe destacar que nuestra sombra es algo de lo que nos enorgullecemos, por estar en sintonía con nuestra intuición y emociones. Porque yo soy parte de una generación de mujeres más rebeldes, más disonantes ante el sistema heteropatriarcal. Aquí, donde usamos nuestra emociones, sexualidades y relaciones como poder. Nuestra sombra es una imagen deslumbrante de cualidades que esconden secretos y una naturaleza más profunda de nuestra propia consciencia, que nos une a la raíz de la Tierra.  

Mi lado oscuro, mis defectos que nada tienen que ver con mis juicios vanos y superficiales sobre mí misma, esos tan fácil de exponer. Mas bien los que oculto, mi ira, mi dureza, mi fuerza al hablar, mi vulnerabilidad, mi suciedad, mi desorden, mis malas decisiones. Y tantas otras cosas.

¿Aceptarlo? ¿O debo seguir adelante?

No, mi alma se purificaría si aceptara mis secretos y sanara mi comunicación conmigo misma. 

Puedo darme cuenta de las cualidades que siento más victimizadas en mi interior. Nuestros secretos son cosas que hemos juzgado como malas, que vienen de emociones que se sienten sin poder. Al ir interiormente, podemos proteger estas emociones o vulnerabilidades "malas" y que, por lo tanto, comenzamos a reprimir y ocultar. La represión se expresa a través del inconsciente, y esto lo puedes observar  en las relaciones donde se han experimentado los mayores conflictos. 

La gente no muestra sus sombras ni su lado oscuro en público, ni tampoco exhibe sus defectos. Las redes sociales y TikTok son una colección de adultos con identidades infantiles heridas que intentan satisfacer o sanar su ego. Las fotos que tomamos proyectan las mejores sonrisas, los momentos más íntimos o brillantes; todos tenemos una parte de la conciencia que busca ser reconocida y aceptada por estas cualidades positivas percibidas.

Sin embargo, todo ser humano posee también en su mente otras cualidades seductoras, un patrón kármico que, al cometer errores, frena su crecimiento y, por ende, lo profundiza. Es toda una paradoja crecer al equivocarnos, en lugar de tener siempre la razón o ser los buenos. En mi caso, inconscientemente culpaba a mi madre y a mi abuela por su falta de ambición, su victimismo y sus votos de pobreza, jurando en la adolescencia que yo no haría lo mismo. Todas estas reacciones inmediatas a mi infancia herida me llevaron a una rebeldía inconsciente, a la falta de autoestima y a reafirmar mis votos de pobreza con mi madre y mi abuela. Yo termine en los mismos lugares que mis ancestras maternas, en el mismo círculo que nos mantiene unidas. 

Lo llamamos sombra porque lo ocultamos, pero es por elegancia. Maquillamos la fealdad en vez de detenernos a reflexionar. Nuestro mal comportamiento no tiene por qué ser público, pero no debe pasar desapercibido. Cuando no somos conscientes, creamos juicios externos que perpetúan el karma. Las personas que rechazamos, los juicios que proyectamos sobre los demás, las palabras que decimos sobre los demás y el mundo, y sobre todo, todo lo que decimos de nosotros mismos en contraste con el mundo, todo esto debe ser escuchado con atención, transcrito y adaptado a un lenguaje más profundo que nos permita ver nuestras propias heridas y nuestra esencia en el alma del mundo.

Esto es amor verdadero hacia todos los que nos rodean, pero sobre todo hacia nosotros mismos: ser honestos con nosotros mismos. 

full moon in Taurus and bad things

 LOVE and compassion

One day, I realized I kept dying my bad habits, qualities, and secrets of badness. I judged myself unconsciously por moments of sexual nature, unspoken agreements, infidelities to others and myself, I could not accept my badness. 

Notice, the shadow nature is something we pride in being, 

in being intune with our intuition and emotions. 

Our shadow nature is a glamour shot of qualities that have deeper natures and secrets to our own consciousness. 

My bad side, my ugly qualities that have nothing to do with my vain, superficial judgments of myself. My anger, my harshness, my strength in speaking, my weakness in being vulnerable. So many other things.

Accept it? Or must i move on, 

No, it would make the soul more pure if I accepted my own secrets and healed my communication. I can adapt the qualities that feel the most victimized inside me, protecting the emotions that feel judged as bad, and therefore I started repressing. Repressing anything is expressed through unconsciousness, which is read through relationships in which you have had the most conflict. 

In my case, I unconsciously blamed my mother and grandmother for their low ambitions, victim nature, and poverty vows, as an adolescent swearing I would not do the same. All these immediate reactions to my wounded childhood led to unconscious rebelling, lack of self-worth and a reaffirming of my poverty vows with my mother and my grandmother. That is ending in the same places as my maternal ancestors, that is in the same circle that keep us together. 

People do not work their shadows publicly, or dark side, and neither do they show their bad qualities. Social media and tiktok are a collection of adults with wounded childhood identities trying to satisfy their egos or heal the ego. The photos we take project the best smiles or the most intimate moments or brilliant ones, we all have a part of consciousness that wants to be recognized and accepted for these perceived positive qualities. 

Regardless, every human has also with their mind another, seducing qualities, a karmic patterning that retracts your growth by committing mistakes, therefore deepening growth. Quite the paradox, to grow when we make errors, as oppose to always being the right one, or the good one.  

We call it shadow because we hide it, but it is out of elegance. We put make up on the ugliness, instead of pausing and reflecting. Our bad behavior need not be public, but it must not go unaware. As when we are unaware we create outer judgments that further carry out karma. The people that we refuse to accept, the judgments that we project onto others, the words we speak about others and the world, and especially, all you say about yourself in difference to the world, all this should be carefully listened to, transcribed and adapted to a deeper language that will allow you to see your own woundedness and essence within the soul of the world. 

This is real love to everyone around you but most especially yourself:

Being honest with yourself. 

full moon in Taurus, money

 FULL MOON IN TAURUS 

MONEY

The stars align in the sign of money, 

And I have spent a lot of time thinking about why I chose to experience a family dynamic where people thought negatively about money. To think negatively about money, I mean, my community was disempowered economically because it was not the creator of the matrix system by which money works through. It is easy to make money fast when you are part of the inherited system, that is what I mean by matrix system. But just because this was so, did not mean I was meant to be disempowered the same way… If, and only if, many coincidences align. 

Taurus, you see, is my sun sign. Taurus rules money because it represents the system of values and material senses by which we acquire and possess. Taurus also is ruled by the planet Venus, Venus rules beauty, art and money. Beauty in a woman is highly valued and is the equivalent to art and love, feminine beauty has inspired art for centuries. In the current day, Beauty moves power and money. Beauty is also an investment, women are subjected to get treatments by which standards of beauty are satisfied, like nails or plastic surgeries or investing in expensive neutral, awfully boring make up that most of society values. This is all in abstract ways, artistic but definitely not profound. 

In astrology, I learned that one sign can have many manifestations actually being the same energy. Beauty can attract money, money can attract luxury, luxury can attract pleasure. Love can be beauty, love can be money, love can also be luxury. But all of that can easily be transformed if the energy is not firmly rooted. For example, if your family is rooted in values about taking care of money, investing, and overall, good money health, then you will have these same values and it will be easy to carry on such a tradition. What happens when your family does not have this─

Unconsciously, you are rooted in lack of money. Or maybe you are the oddball of the family, and went off and got a lot of money by making your dream come true. And you would love to share how, but your family will just not accept you because you are different. 

Or your family values materialism and money a lot, so you decide to be different and live off a hippy life in another country. But secretly you are constantly worried about your lack of money, and constantly money becomes a psychic force that drains you. 

How do you bring your energy into balance so you are not caught in materialism and following unconscious bonds and agreements, or caught in rejecting and rebelling that actually leads into losing something essential

THe best way is to do what you love. THat is why Taurus also rules love! Because doing what you love attracts money. Love is liquid wealth, as in, when you love, you care for your body, what you eat, you care to have loving relationships with everyone around you, you care, you love, you are happy. Maybe not all the time, because happiness, like a hummingbird, fluctuates, going from flower to flower. But there is a certain balance to love, to peace, to inward harmony (love). The world may not always reward love, because we are in a society influenced by war and inner conflict. People are stressed and go through jobs that kill their sense of inward harmony, take their time and lower their health. If we momentarily shift values, and start valuing moments of people, moments of joy and freedom, eventually we are able to listen more clearly to what our soul and spirit desire to express. Life was not meant to be based in scheduled or routine payments, if you depend on a job to get by, and a paycheck at the end of the month, even if you are passionate about what you do, there is not desire to expand or multiply the energy. Money is either accumulated or eventually is… gone. Therefore you become a slave to the paycheck, like a dog waiting for a treat. 

But who am I to say this? I am someone who has based her life around what I love, which is myself, me, astrology, my family, my community, Mexico, the earth, nature, symbols, sex, hehe, the goddess, elements, writing… Everything except money. And around my brain I asked myself, why, how so, if when I was a little girl, I was sure I would be rich. Where was this coming from? When I was a little girl I thought I would have people working for me and paying them a lot of money. Why, then, was I thirty, now and had no money? It made me feel like a beggar and a joke. 

Everyone says, get a small job. And they are correct, I was so sure I would be wealthy because I am, because I am wealthy in self love and wisdom and my own impulse to go forwards and follow my intuition, however, I was poor in practicality and execution. Meaning, it is not about money, consistently, it is about how we feel about ourselves. If I had felt humbled enough perhaps I would have settled for a practical job with the right where I would be enslaved to a paycheck, but what is a small sacrifice for long term achievement… But I never thought about this, I never thought about this because my family’s values were altered by patriarchy, I wanted to a be writer, not a house woman, like my mother or my grandmother, I did not want to get married and have children and be supported by either a man, or the government, like my mother had to be because she could not get a job with 6 children and would rather spend her whole time complaining about the situation, instead of thinking of a different way… but what am i saying, i was the same way… could not come up with a solution that satisfied my ego and my empty purse. It influenced me. It influenced me to be floating in my life, it influenced me to understand that I had to merge with unconscious qualities that may not have been easy to.

But learning that it was never about money in the first place, was my first realization. Money is an attitude, and anyone can have a lot of money and then very little. Money is love, it is energy, it matters, becomes matter, becomes the food you eat, or the perfume you wear, or the clothes you like, but you do not need money for that, you just need the bag and the most valuable bag is empty. From emptiness you can create everything, so do not focus on creating money but something you truly love with enough space to give you the WORLD.